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Well they always seem to get a fair whack of
the bad press, and it seems no matter what good intentions they mean by some
of the stuff they do, they always get a dissing from the likes of us.
So instead of sweeping it under the carpet, we chronicle the humourous
meanderings of our local police force.
Crimestopper (Southern) 0800 555 111
18/11/99
Prohibition - "Operation Sermon" has been implemented in
the Heath. The police are cleaning up the streets of the
drunkards and dopeheads of our fair town. Well it not really
much since their targetting 11 to 15 yr olds!!! So that would
explain the extra bacon we've been seeing as of late. So kids
don't hang about the Clair Hall and Victoria Parks....
10/6/99
- Cack Handed Police - MP Nicholas Soames stirs it up once more,
by criticising the handling of the proposed closure of Burgess Hill
police station. Well Mr Soames, I hope you don't the aid of the
police in the future...
11/3/99 - Chief Suspended - The top dog in Sussex Paul
Whitehouse has been suspended from duty and faces disciplinary action for a thing that
happened over in Hastings. I guess that's what you call community policing eh?
25/2/99 No reaction - police were running an exercise
inineffectual security in the surrounding villages. Two officers posed as suspicious
people shining torches in to sheds etc. And apparently no one gave a toss about
it... wellif time was spent tracking down crime, rather than posing as crime, I know what
I'd choose!
25/2/99 Crack-Down - the rozzers are upto it again, they'll bust
your buns if you're caught driving dangerously. And when they do catch up with yer
its the Cooler or the "driving with due care scheme!".
25/2/99 Rat Hunt - there's a rat in my police station,
what am I gonna do... well work goes on to rid the infestation at Burgess Hill station...
then there are the rats to be got rid of... YO!
04/02/99 Police Chief Defends Detection Record - Police in Mid
Sussex are lagging behind in the detection of household burglaries according to new
figures with 12% compared to the national average of 17% but then again there was only 49%
chance of that happening and even that was calculated at 2% that someone got this
joke! Hmmm... despite this the Police has correctly pointed out that if you actually
look at the figures the % are not that bad for a low number of crimes in the area!!!
28/1/99 - Mid Sussex Is A Safe Place -
despite the
procrastinations of local press (i.e. The Middy) the police would like us to know that in
a recent survey they found that "Mid Sussex was a relatively safe area to live"
(oh you may want to know that Burgess Hill did fare worse - well who needed a survey!).
Anyway it's no consolation that if you are that 5 in 1000 residents that get burgaled that
the Bacon rarely catches the HamBurglar! Regular trotters to this site may like to
know what else the Middy reported in the very same issue: 1 Guitar Stolen in Chailer, 2
men charged with GBH, 1 widower who attacked another man, 4 burglaries (Crime Stoppers),
11 cases that went to court over driving related offences! Nevermind Mid Sussex is
errr still a safe place.....
14/1/99 - Police Check Causes Delays - The local rozzerz thought
it would be a good idea to check on vehicle licence plates errr during rush hour on the
already congested A23. About 70 vehicles were pulled over and checked, resulting in
not so much as a "collar" for the bacon, more like a 4mile tail back.
Chief Inspector Paul Pearce commented "If we felt that we were contributing to
traffic problems we would have called off the operation!" But here's the great
news, they're considering rerunning the operation!!
3/12/98 - Thugs Rob School boy - Apparently 4 youths in
connection with a mugging where caught on camera the other day. If you recognise their
faeces contact DS Coxhead on 01444 451555. The Middy "the two thugs captured on
CCTV".
This
page was last updated on Sunday, 28. November 1999.
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18/11/99
Prohibition - "Operation Sermon" has been implemented in
the Heath. The police are cleaning up the streets of the
drunkards and dopeheads of our fair town. Well it not really
much since their targetting 11 to 15 yr olds!!! So that would
explain the extra bacon we've been seeing as of late. So kids
don't hang about the Clair Hall and Victoria Parks.... 
