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Whether you speak the speak or you don't, anyway this glossary should help you to understand the basics of Heath life.

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A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z 0-9

0-9

7-11 - the name belies the fact that it is a 24 hour establishment.  The finest place in all of Heath especially if you have the munchies at 3am on a Saturday nite!

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A

Aardvark- Ant eater

Albemarle - Fun whilst in it's prime of mid to late 80s, the centre based on the doorsteps of Oathall continues to serve some sort of limited community spirited function. (thanks to Will for reminding me 'bout this un!) aka the ALBY

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B

B2 - New trading name for 7-11 (Budgens Group) - prices are still sky high! D'oh

Breeze, The - Heath slang for SainBURY'S getddit Bury's, Breeze! (thanks to Will for that rarerity!)

Budgens - Town centre Super Market with a greatly muted "Super"... Frequented by underage drinkers in Kenwood puffer jackets with their 13 year old short-skirted girlfriends.  Manager Nick Stephens commonly known as "Skipp"

Burrell - Dropping off stop for commuters north and south of HH.  Essex Pub kind of atmosphere dodgy looking clientale.

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C

CCTV - Closed Circuit Television.  Big brother now has all eyes trained on key crime areas.  Unfortunately crime moves elsewhere where CCTV is not present.  Goodo!

COSTELLO - teacher at  re: Power Trip.

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D

Dilber - aka Dodgy Dilber, must be approaching mid 20's have receding hair line, have no luck with women, but constantly surrounded by them.  Then have successive turn arounds in fortune and rubs in everyone faces. The shouting of "Dilber" usually denotes a persons lack of cool. The dodgy comes from dealing in not so kosher deals and then realising after a short bout of elation that he has been ripped off.

Dolby - see Dilber. Interchangeable as a form of abuse with Dilber.

Dolphin, The - AKA The Sarge.  Not to be confused with the the Leisure centre of the same name.  A massive investment in renovation has led to London prices being charged for beer.  Clientale includes status or people wishing to achieve status gang levels.  Awkward and lacking real character since eating and drinking zones are as one.

Dolphin Leisure Centre, The - AKA The Dolphin, an establishment catering for the sport needs of the people of Mid-Sussex.  Prices are fair and the only downer is that facilities are booked up all too often.

DOOOOR! - incorrect prenounciation of Homer Simpson's classic catch phrase.  Why didn't anyone let me know any sooner about this!!

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E

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F

Farley - normally associated with extreme lateness.  Again must be cruising towards mid 20s, again with receding hairline (occassional firemens helmet).  Take whatever time Farley has given you, double it.   Say 15mins => 15mins X 2 = 30 mins.

Fuck It I'll Walk - expletive used by Dilber, when there were no more seats in the car.

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G

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H

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I

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J

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K

"Kicking Set of Alloys" - Used to infer to a colleague that you suspect the driver of that machine over over yonder is a bad boy - derogatory

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L

Lloyds - Think of Sainsburys but in a financial industry and you're halfway there to describing their employment policy.  A key employer in Haywards Heath owning a substantial amount of office space in Perrymount Road.

"Lloyds" - used as a substitute for the phrase "McJob" i.e. low paid, low status employment, first coined by Douglas Coupland in Generation X.

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M

"Mortgage" - often used in the Dolphin pub, as when offering to buy your mates a drink "I think I need to get a mortgage" - double put down on bar prices and also the clientale.

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N

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O

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P

Pokemon - you've gotta catch 'em all!! Yes all 150 of the expensive money spinning buggers.... ahhhhhh but they're so cute!

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Q

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R

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S

Sains - as in going to Sains - as in Sainsbury's geddit!

Status Gang - every one knows at least one status gang.  Status in that they always hog the bestest facilities and block anyone else in using them.  Their parents are middle classed and have at least 2 cars.  Also varying degrees of attractiveness, they ignore you, or worse still you start a conversation with them and then they are distracted by the "joker" in their gang.  This phrase was first invented by Dilber in the late 80's.

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T

Tom Lane - redefining the thought process. (nb Tom recently looked this page up and still doesn't understand what we mean by this entry!)

Tree, The - we affectionately know the Linden Tree as this name. (cheers to Will on that one...)

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U

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V

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W

Wah ooh Wah! - comical put down of a colleagues misfortune or bad luck.

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X

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Y

Yankee Doodle Dandee - rhyming slag for hand shandy

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Z

Zorro - someone called me this the other day.  I think he was being complimentry, but god knows what he meant by this!

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